Hiya!!! Well, it’s Monday once again. And have I had a few days. I worked and posted Wednesday. Thursday I worked from 2 to 10 PM, so it was about 11 before I got home, and went to bed shortly after.
I didn’t sleep well, and woke with leg cramps a couple of times. I woke up around 10 and felt absolutely awful. When I woke up each time, I would feel clammy and get chilled. I thought maybe it was just my cold flaring up again, but wasn’t so sure. I felt bad enough to call the doctor’s office and see if my PA was in Friday. He was, and had an opening at 3:50, so I decided to go in. I couldn’t even find the energy to shower, so I washed off, got dressed and basically sat around until time to head there. I just kept feeling worse and worse as the day went on. I got to the office around 3:40, and waited until around 4:15 to be called back. As I went through the hall, I got dizzy and asked the nurse to wait a minute. It passed enough for me to walk back to the scales and to get my blood pressure taken. It was 139 / 50. She felt my hands—which were clammy wet—and said I had just earned an EKG. I thought “Great”. I told her that I’d had some muscle aches for a couple of weeks and that my blood pressure and pulse rates had been a bit high lately. She immediately hooked me up to the machine, and my PA came in to check on me. He’s the best. They left me after the test to get redressed and wait. It’ wasn’t long. He came back in with the results and said it didn’t look too bad, but that I had some tachycardia. I already have a pacemaker, so this wasn’t the best news. He asked me what had been going on that week, so we talked a bit. I told him that I’d had a cold, and started a new job at WalMart. He wasn’t too thrilled to hear that. WalMart is somewhat known for working their employees a bit hard, especially when starting out. I told him that I had worked a couple of long days (for me anyway), and that I had been tired. He was willing to write me a note that I shouldn’t be working such long hours or whatever I felt I needed. (Told you he is the best.) I told him about my finances right now and sorta broke down talking to him. I pretty much decided then that the job wasn’t going to work. I’m not going to endanger my health, any more than it already is, for any job. I may have to look at bankruptcy again. Not my first choice, but I’ll do what I have to do. He told me to let him know if there was anything else that he could do for me. I just didn’t know of anything at the time. He did suggest that I look into legal aid for advice about the finances, so I’ll check into that in the next week or so. He did check to make sure that I wasn’t feeling suicidal desperate. And I assured him that I wasn’t. And I’m not. I’m stressed, and a bit depressed, but not that far. I truly feel that I’m beyond that now. I talk to Barbara and the girls when I need to, and have learned coping skills that I use when it gets rough.
So Saturday I was scheduled to work from noon to 9 PM. I went to the store around 10 and spoke to my manager. I told him that I just couldn’t handle the hours and stress, that it was too much for my heart. He said that he understood, and that he was sorry. I told him I was too, cleaned out my locker, and headed home.
I read a quote by Kevin Costner the other day, and it struck a cord with me.
“If you don’t understand your limitations, you won’t achieve much in your life.”
I’m still learning as I go along, and I always will be. Do you have any advice, quotes, or suggestions for me at this time??? I’m always open to hear other opinions.
I did have an interview with Hospice about the position that I applied for today, and I think that went well. They said that I should hear from them by the end of the week. So all is not lost yet. And I will continue to volunteer with them at Thrifts and Gifts, if at all possible. Another quote I read recently (an anonymous one) also hit home. I’ve always felt that I should have been able to do more with my life than I have so far, but maybe this should be my new mantra:
“If you cannot do great things, do small things in a great way.”
So I’ll do my small things—making dresses for Haiti girls, volunteering at Hospice, helping people when I can—and tell myself that these things are important too. I don’t see myself curing cancer or establishing world peace, but I can make things better in little ways.
Anyhoo, that’s where I stand right now. Gonna do a bit of sewing tomorrow. Gotta get started on Christmas prezzies, lol. It’ll be here before we know it. Take care all, have a good night. Talk to ya tomorrow. Blessed be, hugs!!! Pam